Is Class Our Dirty Little Secret?

Yesterday I caught the tail end of Talk of the Nation on NPR and they were having a conversation about Race. Specifically, they were trying to figure out, one year into Obama's presidency, if the national conversation about Race had changed. Are we more able to talk about race? Does race really matter? In the year 2030, when America reportedly will be more brown than white, will anyone even remember what racism is/was? If you want to hear the discussion, you can listen to it here.

What I found the most interesting about the conversation, though, was not the debate over whether or not younger Americans are less race conscious than their elders, but rather the discussion of class which only came up at the end of the show. Class is what truly divides us as a people, one of the guests said, yet we don't want to touch that Big White elephant in the room.

And I want to know why?

Why are we so hesitant to admit that class divides us even more than race? Even more, why do we condemn those who try to bring up the "Class card?" If I say that I have nothing in common with the Black underclass except the color of my skin, that I have more in common with a White middle-class suburbanite than a poor Black woman living in the inner city, why am I a race traitor? Or filled with self-hatred or in denial. In the words of Bill Cosby, "Come on people!"

Really, it is our similar class status that brings us together here on the Meltingpot, isn't it? Many of us grew up with common circumstances, had shared experiences at school, going to college, traveling...all of which comes from being in the same economic class, not because our skin tones are all the same.

Now obviously there is a sense of shared culture that is undeniable amongst certain groups. Language, for example, will bind Hispanic people in this country despite class status, but even though Maria in the barrio speaks Spanish, I don't think that makes her a prime candidate to be best friends with Angela who lives in a posh suburb in Seattle. They may share a language, but what the hell are they going to talk about?

I don't think I need to argue the point that class divides us more than race. I think it's obvious (but please correct me if you think I'm wrong.). But what I do want to know is why can't we talk about it? Why isn't it our biggest issue here in the United States like it is in many European countries? I have a couple of theories, one being that it is about power. If Black people, for example, admit that we're not one big monolithic group, that Our Kind of People are not exactly paling around with the Boyz in the Hood, we loose power because we loose numbers. And God forbid if we in the higher classes start criticizing our own, then somehow we're giving The Man permission to do the same. Going back to Bill Cosby, he has been lambasted for taking poor Black people to task recently for their self-annihilating behavior. And he's Bill Cosby!

So for us ethnic folk in the United States, maybe it is a power thing or a shame game. We don't want to bring shame to the lower classes of our own group because then people will just assume we're all like that. It's that annoying "judge the whole group by the actions of a few theory." (Yuck!) Of course White people don't have that problem because poor White people don't exist. I'm kidding of course, but poor White people never seem to have a face and since White people are still in the majority in this country, somehow we don't assume that when we witness a poor White person behaving badly, that all White people act the same way.

So, whew, I am clearly on a rampage here today. Thank God it's Friday. So, let me know, why do you think the national conversation about class is so quiet? Would it make a difference in public policy and/or daily life if we publicly admitted that we have class issues in this country? And really, I don't advocate for getting rid of classism, it's just another -ism that is part of the human condition, but if we admitted that there were class differences that divide us, wouldn't we just run things a little differently? Maybe better? With better results? I'm just saying...Tell me what you think.

I'm listening.

Peace.

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ONE MORE THING--One Less Racist in Public Office

Keith Bardwell, the justice of the peace in Louisiana who refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple, has resigned. But he's still being sued by the couple. For an update, you can read this article. Just thought you should know.

Japanese Salsa with a side of Soul

No, I'm not talking recipes here. I'm talking about this great story from The Root.com about a Black-American woman who found her bliss teaching salsa dancing in Japan. Don't you love it?

About her reasons for not only going to Japan in the first place, but sticking around and making her home there as well, Ammenah Shareef Asante was quoted as saying:

"Japan is one of the few places in the world I can be respected for what I do. As a black woman when I walk out of my door, I’m looked at as a foreigner. I go into the store they aren’t looking at me trying to figure out if I’m going to steal something. It’s just curiosity about who I am as a human being, and it’s fabulous.

I was so angry growing up, with all of the racial garbage there is in the States and coming to Japan was so freeing."

Interestingly, this is what I thought Spain was going to be for me. But for those of you who read my memoir know, "freeing" probably wouldn't be the word I would use to describe my experience. Well, in some ways it was freeing but there would have to be a caveat, in that it was freeing with a dose of "slightly annoying" on the side. But I digress.

My point here today is that I love hearing about where people choose to go in order to live the life they imagined for themselves. I'm not sure if I have the courage to uproot myself to find that place although I dream about it often or I just check in with some of my favorite bloggers, like Ragazza in Rome and My Girl in Barcelona and live vicariously through them.

So where do you think you would have to go to live your best life? Right now I'm feeling like the South of France or Portugal. But maybe Japan deserves my consideration. Hmmm.

I'm listening.

Peace.

Can "Mixed" Marriages Really Work?

This is not going to be a post where we rehash the shameful story of the New Orleans justice of the peace who refused to provide a marriage license to an interracial couple (he's being sued by the way.) No, the mixed marriages I'm wondering about are of a different ilk.

So we're sitting at the dinner table this weekend with some new friends of ours. She's from Ecuador and he's a true man of the world, born in Lebanon to a German mother and a Lebanese father, raised on three separate continents, fluent in several languages, and so on and so on. Well, it's Halloween and we were eating pizzas and a fresh salad I had prepared but to my surprise the husband declined the salad. "He doesn't eat vegetables," his wife groaned in exasperation.
"What do you mean you don't eat vegetables," I asked?
"I don't like them," he said.
"All vegetables," I pushed, because I don't understand how an entire food group can be found to be unpleasant. To prove his point, he reached for another piece of the white pizza, because he couldn't even abide by tomato sauce. "That's right, all vegetables," he said.
His wife looked at me with regret in her eyes. "My mother told me not to marry him because this vegetable thing would become a problem, but I didn't listen. I was young and in love. I should have listened."

So that got us on the conversation about mixed marriages. Could you marry someone with drastically different food habits than yourself? I saw a segment on one of the morning news shows once that claimed that food habits were right up there with financial habits when it came to deal breakers between otherwise happy couples. Vegetarians with Omnivores? Kosher vs Non-Kosher? Organics vs. The guy who eats neon green breakfast cereal and pop-tarts? I don't know, can it work? El esposo and I claim it's food that actually brought us together and over the years, things that I love he has grown to appreciate (chocolate chip cookies) and things that only a Spaniard could love (pig fat and green olives) I too can enjoy.

So what do you think? Do you have a Mixed marriage or relationship by this definition? How does it work? Please share.

Peace.

Three Really Hot Burning Questions from the Meltingpot

People, people, people. What a week it has been. Folks just acting a fool left and right. You know I have questions so here we go:

1. What is Alison Samuels smoking that has made her lose all sense of journalistic integrity? She already made people question her judgment in writing that irritating opinion piece about Zahara Jolie-Pitt's hair, but then she thought it prudent to write a follow-up piece defending the first ridiculous article. Some have suggested she's just looking for publicity in attacking one of the most famous celebrity families on the planet. Others say she is suffering from a severe case of self-hatred which she is projecting on poor Zahara. Either way, I want to know why we have to read about it in Newsweek?

2. And speaking of possible publicity stunts, is that what's behind Tyra Banks' decision to have her contestants on America's Next Top Model pose in blackface -- or better said in "mixed face" -- in some sugar cane fields in Hawaii for the show? If you hadn't heard about this latest hulabaloo in TV land, you can read about it on Yahoo news or check out Clutch magazine's take on the story. I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable on many levels, but does Tyra get a pass as a woman of color to play with "blackface?" Is this just fashion/art? And obviously we don't all have to agree, but are you okay with this? Would you be okay if this is precedent setting and fashion shoots and fashion shows in the future use White girls in face paint instead of real Mixed or Black models? Hmmm... I wonder.

3. So tomorrow is Halloween and the next day is Day of the Dead or rather Dia de los Muertos. I had the great pleasure of being invited to a Mexican friend's home one year to paint sugar skulls and participate in a traditional Day of the Dead celebration. But here's my question. In this month's Cookie magazine (may she rest in peace), they have an article about how to throw your own authentic Day of the Day celebration. Is that okay? I mean if Day of the Dead isn't part of your cultural heritage should you really be celebrating? I mean wouldn't that be like frying up the latkes in early December and celebrating Hannukah? Or ordering in Indian take-out for your own Diwali festival? I mean where do we draw the line people? Or am I reading this wrong? What do you think?

So dear readers, if you have some answers, let them rip.

Happy Halloween and remember to eat all that candy responsibly. Friends don't let friends eat the whole bag of Snickers...in one day.

Peace.

New Links and Chicken Noodle Soup please!

It's Wednesday. I don't have swine flu but I have a nasty cold that's kicking my butt. I am uninspired to write, but thought I'd take the opportunity to update my links over there on the right-hand side of the screen. I've been meaning to do this for a long time.

I took an hour to add some great new links and then something happened and I lost everything. (grr) So I re-entered everything but probably missed one or two, so if you can think of any obvious links I should include here on the Meltingpot, please send them my way.

I tried to add a bunch of your blogs, my loyal readers, because I love reading what you all are up to. I think I have the coolest group of followers ever. All of your lives sound so interesting. Wouldn't it be cool to all get together and chat over a spicy cup of tea and banana bread? Mmmmmm...warms my heart just thinking about it.

Since I'm feeling blue (and snotty) why don't you all try to cheer me up with whatever you like eat and/or drink when you're feeling stuffed up and miserable. The more details the better. And let it be known, that the best chicken soup I've ever tasted was at this Dominican dive on 5th avenue in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I think it was the cilantro, but ay papi it was sooo damn good.

So what are you waiting for? Tell me what you would make me eat to feel better.

Thank you (sniffle, sniffle, sneeze.)

Peace.

What do "fiery Spanish tempers" have to do with adoption?

Meltingpot readers, I am hoping you can help.

The other day my five-year old son threw a major temper tantrum in the middle of his brother's guitar lesson. Basically his DVD wasn't playing what he wanted it to. Trauma that only a tired kindergartner can relate to, but I digress.

Without much fanfare I dragged him out of the classroom into the hallway where he could finish his growling and wailing in peace and his brother could finish his lesson. These things happen. So after the lesson his teacher came out and assured me that she wasn't bothered and in fact, she understood the five-year old's display of emotion only too well.

"I understand perfectly. He can't help it. It's in his blood," she said. "My mother is from the south of Spain too and she was the same way. Very emotional."

Okay, since his teacher is Puerto Rican and she had told us that her mother was from Sevilla I did not take offense at this comment but I did think it was a sweeping generalization and that more than his Southern Spanish blood it was his tired five-year-old body that was making my son act a fool. But she kept insisting that my son was simply a product of his genes and his emotions were wont to get the best of him.

"My mother was always yelling and screaming," she said with a nostalgic smile on her face.

So I wasn't really bothered by her comment, and in fact I kind of chuckled as I recounted the story to my husband. We both got a laugh out of it since in our Kinky Gazpacho household I am the emotional one and if our boys are high strung and emotional we figure they get that from me.

So what do fiery Spanish tempers have to do with adoption? Well, as we contemplate adding a wee little girl to this house, I wonder what happens when people make those kind of comments about your adopted child, not knowing that they are adopted? Do you correct them and say, well it's impossible that her temper comes from her Spanish blood because she's adopted? Of course in a situation like that, you could probably smile and move on but what happens when the comments are coming from the family members themselves?

What I mean is, it is so common for family members, myself included, to look at our children and try to figure out where they got certain behaviors from. My older son's shyness we peg that to el esposo. The younger one's penchant for drama? That's all me. I know this could evolve into a nature vs nurture discussion, but I'm just wondering what do you do for the adopted child so that they feel part of the discussion? Naturally and not forced. Do you consciously avoid such discussions in front of your children? Do you warn other family members to do the same? Curious if anyone has an opinion? In the meantime, I'll go check if anything has been written on the subject in Adoptive Families magazine.

Peace.

"Mixed Race People are the Face of the Future"

Marilyn Minter is a celebrated contemporary artist who only uses mixed race models in her work. In an interview with Artlurker magazine, she explains why:


"I think mixed race people are the most compelling and most beautiful. I wouldn’t call it sentimental as much as prophetic. To me, Alicia [her mixie model]looks like the face of the future.

What do you think of that? Impressed? Feeling fetish vibes? Intrigued? Would it make a difference if Minter were Mixed instead of White? Check out Racialicious writer, LaToya Peterson's take on Minter and others who seem to glorify mixed-race beauty in kind of creepy ways.

Happy Friday.

Peace!